Scalpel
by bluejayzombie
Summary: Maura tries to help Jane get over her fear of scalpels. / JM. One-shot. Slightly AU.


**Disclaimer:** Rizzoli & Isles and related characters belong to Tess Gerristen, Janet Tamaro and TNT.

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**Scalpel**

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Jane Rizzoli is having a bad day.

The muscles encased in her scarred hands ache and even the slightest movement causes discomfort. Beneath closed eyelids, she sees—she remembers, and for a moment she is pinned to the floor by a scalpel through each palm and she is staring into the eyes of Charles Hoyt. And then—a quiet call of her name tears her away from The Surgeon, and Jane knows the voice even before she opens her eyes and meets the worried eyes of Maura Isles.

"Hi, Maura…"

Maura is silent as Jane slowly approaches her, trembling hands hanging loosely by her sides curling into white-knuckled fists as she comes to stand across the table from Maura. The matching scars on both hands – a reminder of her encounter with Hoyt – stand out so vividly against tanned skin, even months after receiving them, and Maura wants nothing more than to hold them in both of hers until the pain recedes completely and all Jane can feel is the warmth in her touch.

"I didn't expect to see you down here…" Maura starts to say. Jane knows that Maura is aware that she has been avoiding being present for autopsies for the last eight months and has only been reading the notes that are made, and she is grateful that Maura has not pushed her to visit even when there has been no business to attend to—instead wandering into the bullpen to see her, or to her apartment after work.

"I tried so hard to put what happened behind me. When I came back to work, I thought that maybe things could be the same as they were before. I was wrong," Jane tells her. "Even on my good days, I can't be around you like this. Every time I see you holding a scalpel, I think of _him_… and I'm terrified because I feel like I'm pinned to that floor all over again. I'm terrified because I see the scalpel and I know it's _you_ standing across from me, Maura. I _know_ it's you, but all I can see is Hoyt, and it is taking everything that I have in me to keep from lunging across this table and hurt him before he can hurt me."

"Oh, Jane…"

"The very last thing I want to do is hurt you, Maura. I need you to help me. Please. I know you won't ever hurt me. I know you were with Korsak and you were the one that pulled the scalpels out of my hands and you held them until the EMTs came. I know you were not the one who drove them through my hands, but I'm scared, Maura. And I can't be afraid every time I see you holding a scalpel."

Maura hesitates for a moment before she drops the scalpel she was preparing to use. Then she backs away from the table and motions for Jane to stand in front of her, tells her to put gloves on. When Jane does as directed, Maura presses her front against Jane's back.

"I want you to pick up the scalpel, Jane," she says gently. When Jane does not move, Maura reaches for a hand and pries it open. "Pick up the scalpel, Jane."

Jane turns to meet Maura's eyes while reaching for the instrument, her gaze not wavering as she wraps trembling fingers around the cool handle.

"This is a scalpel. It is a medical instrument," Maura says softly. "Right now, you are holding it. You control where it goes. You decide what the blade pierces."

"Maura…" Jane tightens her grip on the scalpel and holds it up, inspects it even when her heart feels like it is going to burst out of her chest. "Can you hold it now?"

Maura turns Jane around, and instead of taking the scalpel, covers the hand holding it with her own. "No. You're doing fine. I know that it is hard seeing this when a man used scalpels to inflict such pain upon you, but you are stronger than your fear. Okay? You can't let your fear rule your life, or it will kill you—"

Maura lets out a soft sigh against the lips that are suddenly pressed against hers, her own lips curving into a smile. Jane kisses her languidly, gripping Maura's waist and pulling her closer. In a way it is unexpected, but their relationship has always been tricky – and light flirtation between them has not helped. But this is so much more than simply attraction. It is gratitude, it is feeling safe, it is reparation. And when they separate several minutes later, Jane is smiling and her eyes are not quite as dim as before.

"Charles Hoyt managed to wound me in a way I never thought possible. He inflicted irreparable damage upon me, and he nearly took away everything I cared about," Jane manages as she places the scalpel on the table, and then takes Maura's hand into her own. "And then I met you – _again_ – this time as a detective and not a hooker – and you are like sunshine, Maura. You've touched a part of me that I thought was gone, and you're… fixing me. You make it so I don't feel so afraid anymore."

Maura winds her arms around Jane completely, nuzzles the crook of her neck and exhales slowly when Jane hugs her back. "I'm just returning the favor," she murmurs.

And Jane leaves the comment alone, knowing there will be time for them to talk at a later time. Instead, she kisses the top of Maura's head. She tries to express her gratitude, even when they both know it will take time for the fear to fade completely – if it ever will. But standing with Maura in her arms and the feel of a scalpel in her hand fresh in her mind, and not being struck with the typical fight-or-flight instinct, is a start.


End file.
